


Shoma Uno: World Champion of Hide and Seek

by heartsdesire456



Category: Figure Skating RPF
Genre: #YuzuruTheHouseHusband, Comedy, Family, Fluff and Crack, Gen, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Parenthood, Quarantine Edition
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-19
Updated: 2020-05-19
Packaged: 2021-03-02 18:29:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,038
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24261373
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heartsdesire456/pseuds/heartsdesire456
Summary: Why did I have six kids?Since they closed the schools and everybody went into quarantine, Shoma thought that very thought at least five times a day.
Relationships: Jason Brown/Shoma Uno
Comments: 4
Kudos: 23





	Shoma Uno: World Champion of Hide and Seek

**Author's Note:**

> I know some people aren't into quarantine fics, and I'm sorry if you find it insensitive, but I tend to joke in any bad situation so this was something that happened on the #YuzuruTheHouseHusband tag on twitter. 
> 
> If you're unfamiliar, it started as joking about Yuzuru being dressed like a housewife in ads and somehow became a whole ass storyline monstrosity. Check it out if you're curious. Here's the inspiration for this fic:
>
>> J: Day 13 of Shoma being THE Champion of Hide and Seek: Nobody seen him. However, I assume he's well. Itsuki messaged to say Shoma has beaten every high score on their favorite games. I just leave out food at night and it goes missing.[#YuzuruTheHouseHusband](https://twitter.com/hashtag/YuzuruTheHouseHusband?src=hash&ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw) [#QuarantineEdition](https://twitter.com/hashtag/QuarantineEdition?src=hash&ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw) [pic.twitter.com/qFHpK8lKSv](https://t.co/qFHpK8lKSv)
>> 
>> — Chels ⛸💜🐱 🐇 (@heartsdesire456) [May 2, 2020](https://twitter.com/heartsdesire456/status/1256465468287848448?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw)

_Why did I have six kids?_

Since they closed the schools and everybody went into quarantine, Shoma thought that very thought at least five times a day. 

“DADDY, I WANT THE BLUE POPCICLE!”

“CHI CHI I WANNA PLAY WITH THE BLOCKS BUT IZUMI WON’T SHARE!”

“CHI CHI I WANT CHEETOS!”

“DADDY WHY CAN’T WE GO TO THE PLAYGROUND?”

“CHI CHI RENTARO IS EATINGA CRAYON!”

“CHI CHI!”

“DADDY!”

“DADDY!”

“CHI CHI!”

Shoma closed his eyes, counted to ten, and stood up. “I cannot take them anymore, Jason. Take them outside or I’m going to kill myself,” he said, looking down at his husband. “I’m going to lose it. It’s only been ten days. They said we’re going to be like this for _months_!” he hissed.

Jason chuckled. “Don’t worry, we’ll get used to this sooner or later.” He stood up and kissed Shoma’s temple. “I’ll go tire them out for you. You just go eat something. You’re always grump when you want a snack.”

Shoma sighed, thinking about the bottle of wine and giant bag of chocolate candies he had hidden. “I’m going to find somewhere quiet and nap,” he said, leaving Jason to tend to their live wires they called children.

The problem was, nowhere he went was really quiet. Their house was huge – a very north American style big brick house with three floors, a three car garage, and a large back lawn. Being somewhat well off and having six kids meant they essentially had to buy a mansion, in Shoma’s eyes. He thought with a house that big, he could find peace and quiet somewhere.

But boy did he underestimate his clingy children demanding attention.

“Seriously?! How did you find me in the _laundry room_?” he asked, picking up the toddler who had crept into the laundry room and found Shoma sitting beside the dryer. “You’re two years old, how do you even get down the stairs alone?” He was fairly sure Rentaro had been napping in the nursery upstairs. “I thought you were big enough to take down the baby gate, but nope. Gotta put that back. It’s a miracle you didn’t fall down the stairs and break something.” He stood in the foyer and shouted up the stairs. “JASON! HAVE YOU CHECKED ON RENTARO LATELY?” he called, smirking when he heard his husband open a door and close it again. He waited, listening to the footfalls over his head as Jason passed the staircase, and he opened a door. He snickered deviously when Jason yelped.

“OH MY GOD RENTARO IS GONE! SHOMA!” He heard running and Jason came sprinting down the stairs, nearly falling as he hit the wood floor with socks on and slid. “SHOMA HE-“ He stopped and looked at the baby in his arms and groaned. “Shoma, that’s not funny!”

Shoma held Rentaro out to him. “This little monster getting out of his crib, opening the door, and making it down the stairs, and getting all the way down the hall, into the kitchen, and into the laundry room is not funny.” He shook Rentaro gently. “Jason, your child is an escape artist.”

Jason snorted and took Rentaro. “He’s my child when he’s bad, huh?”

“Well I still have white people ask if he’s adopted, so why not blame your DNA for him?” Shoma joked. “Seriously, I was hiding beside the dryer gaming and look up and there’s a baby two inches from my face. He’s so quiet!”

“He gets it from you,” Jason said, leaning over to kiss his cheek. “You don’t make noise when you walk because you’re small.”

Shoma gave him a flat look. “Do you want a divorce?”

Jason rolled his eyes and turned to take Rentaro back upstairs and back to his room without bothering to reply.

After that, Shoma tried more creative places to hide. He could fit behind the sofa. That one lasted until he was pelted in the head by a stuffed toy and a curious little face looked over the back of it for her toy and instead found her chi chi. That ended in playing princesses for two freaking hours with Kayla and Andrea and having makeup put on his face while Hanna took pictures of it to send to Yuzuru so he could show Sara. His next hiding place didn’t last much longer, because Izumi wanted to pretend he was an astronaut and the best place for that was in the bathtub, apparently. He had hoped Jason’s office would at least be safe, but then he just got found by Jason himself and Jason convinced him to make out while the kids were all occupied.

To be fair, Shoma didn’t quite mind feeling up his husband for fifteen minutes because with six kids, you had to take what you could get when you could get it in that department. Squeezing Jason’s fantastic ass was definitely worth the lack of privacy. 

He should have known the pantry would be a no-go, because six growing kids ate a lot. He only got about half an hour in there before Benji came in and yelled, “I found Chi Chi! He’s eating all of the Doritos.”

“WHAT?!”

“HEY THOSE ARE MINE, CHI CHI!”

“SHARE WITH ME, BABE!”

Shoma just sighed and handed the bag over to Benji, who dashed away, no doubt going to try and eat them all before Hanna could catch him and steal them.

He truly, truly thought the basement would be safe. The basement was pretty much Jason and the kids’ home gym. Shoma barely worked out these days, and his chubby middle showed it (and what happens when you go through five pregnancies, one of which with twins). Jason however was as athletic as ever and with Benji and Hanna seriously committing to being ice dance champions when they grew up, they were always having family exercise classes. Andrea and Izumi joined them sometimes, though obviously far less strenuously. Kayla, bless her little heart, tried her hardest, but she was only four so she got bored fast when it wasn’t dance class. 

However, with no training going on and hyper Daddy to keep them playing all day, Shoma really thought he could lay on a yoga matt and watch Netflix on the smart TV Jason used for online video classes and not be bothered at all. He was twenty episodes into a really good C-Drama that Yuzuru and Jimin raved about until he watched it and he planned to get in at least five more episodes.

But of course. Of fucking course. The basement door opened and the rush of loud feet coming down the carpeted stairs had to ruin his plans.

“Alright, everybody, it’s time for Daddy to coach off-ice training for his skaters via video chat!” Shoma whined and rolled over onto his stomach, laying facedown like a dead body. “Shoma, up, up, up! Don’t you guys think Chi Chi should join the Brown Family Ab Class?” he asked excitedly.

“YES! Chi Chi, you can do V-ups with us!”

“And superman bananas!”

“How long can you hold a plank, Chi Chi?”

Shoma sat up and glared at Jason, because he knew damn well he couldn’t tell them no and hurt their feelings now that they were so eager for him to work out with them. “I hate you,” he said flatly, but Jason was used to Shoma’s empty threats and insults by now. It was just their ‘thing’.

“You guys should have seen Chi Chi when we were younger! He could do the best cantilevers!” Jason bragged. “You had such a strong core, Shoma!” he praised.

Shoma looked down at his little belly and snorted. “My abs are hibernating indefinitely now, Jason. If I tried a cantilever, I would throw out my back and break my knees.”

Jason shrugged. “Whatever, we can still have a fun ab exercise as a family! Even Rentaro is joining us,” he said, gesturing to where Rentaro was playing with one of the big bouncy balls they practiced balance on.

Shoma didn’t regret spending time with his family, but he did regret it when the clip from the live of him falling dramatically out of a side-plank became a meme for two fucking weeks on Twitter.

He finally got it when Benji outgrew his last pair of sneakers and Shoma decided to go see if he had any old ones up in the attic in storage. Benji was nearly Shoma’s height and he was only ten, so his shoes might fit Benji. When he had to stand on a chair to reach the cord that pulled the attic stairs down and lost control of it, only to have it snap right back up, Shoma blinked and then looked around at the empty top floor corridor, and it was like a lightbulb flashed to live over his head. He eagerly went to get a shoelace to tie to the cord to make it easier to reach, and came back. When he pulled the stairs down, he scrambled up them and, with the slightest tug to make the ladder slide back up and free the door to snap shut, he was truly, actually alone. 

And then he had a moment of panic and feared he couldn’t get out again and he hadn’t brought his phone. He pushed on the door and it budged a bit. He got a brave idea and, with carefully calculation, jumped onto the door and ladder, holding tightly to the rungs. Sure enough, the door fell and the ladder slid down, hitting the floor with just enough of a jolt that it knocked him off. However, it wasn’t that risky since the carpeted floor was soft and there was no furniture around to hit his head on. 

“Fuck yeah,” Shoma said to himself, grinning deviously as he got to his feet. 

It took two days to find a spot near the back where the roof was low that was perfectly sized for him to put a nest – there was no better word for it – of pillows and blankets. He ran an extension cord from the outlet on the exposed lightbulb in the middle of the attic and a power strip so he could plug in his phone charger, a charger for his laptop, and an little heater since the attic was cold as shit. Then he ordered a mini-fridge off of Amazon that was just big enough for a few cans of soda and lugged it up there without Jason seeing. When he finally had his hiding place perfected, he made the kids lunch, told Jason he was going to read, and booked it for his World Class Hiding Spot.

And he didn’t come down except when he knew where the kids would be in the house. After three days, he perfected the art of sneaking to the kitchen down the back staircase and hiding in closets and the pantry or the bathrooms when he heard someone coming. He started showering and using the toilet in the third floor guest bath because the kids usually stayed on the second floor during the day. After five days, Jason started leaving him leftovers set out in the kitchen, which reminded Shoma that he really did marry the perfect man. A few times Itsuki messaged him, asking why Jason asked if Itsuki thought Shoma might be breaking quarantine or asking if Itsuki thought he was okay, but Jason, being the sexy motherfucker he was, never once tried to bother Shoma. 

“Damn, I’m lucky,” Shoma said as he shoved more chili into his mouth and looked at Jason’s twitter feed, where he praised Shoma for being the World Champion of Hide and Seek.

He did miss his kids occasionally, so he would sneak down to their rooms when they were sleeping to give them kisses and stroke their hair, but he always made sure to yeet his ass out of there if they stirred, because after ten years as a parent, six of them as the stay at home dad, sometimes a guy just needed a _break_.

When he missed Jason, he snuck into their bed and snuggled up to him while he slept. Sometimes he suspected Jason was actually faking it, but Jason didn’t bother him so he just tugged those long, warm arms around him and wiggled back against his chest for a little cuddle for an hour or two. 

Day 10 of World Champion of Hide and Seek, Yuzuru posted a meme missing poster on his mommy blog asking if anybody knew the whereabouts of Olympic Champion Shoma Uno-Brown and Jimin started sharing it on every platform he had – and he had a lot – and even filmed a TikTok of him and his kids pleading for the safe return of ‘that little hobbit dude’. Which was rich, coming from _Jimin_ , Shoma thought. Jason had to reassure the public that Shoma wasn’t actually missing after Jimin’s video, which made Shoma laugh so hard he worried he had exposed his whereabouts for a solid twenty minutes. 

The best part was that he set new high scores on every game he and his brother played online and he got to cackle because his brother was _pissed_ about that. He also joined a group of local teenagers who were absolute beasts at Call of Duty and when he called Jun Hwan, the kid who babysat for them occasionally, a lil bitch, he started insulting Shoma right back. It was great. Having fun with some guys playing games and trash talking each other. He didn’t even care he was in his thirties talking shit about sixteen year olds, they welcomed him into it. He even started uploading some of their games on YouTube and named his channel “Attic Dweller” because he knew damn well nobody who would recognize his voice would watch videos of teenagers live gaming.

He hit two thousand subscribers by Day 13 of World Championship Hide and Seek.

It was on Day 15, as he was rinsing his hair in the shower at two in the morning, that he finally got ‘found’ in the form of the shower door opening and, when he yelped, Jason put a hand over his mouth to shush him and climbed in with him.

Naked.

Needless to say, Shoma didn’t make it back to his hiding spot until dawn, and _damn_ did he have no issues with that, because they hadn’t managed three rounds in one night since at least before Kayla. They hadn’t had sex on the floor since they were both still competing. Shoma didn’t even know Jason _could_ hold him up against the wall for as long as he did, but it was good to know he wasn’t that fat (yet).

He spent most of the morning snoring and getting good sleep after being worn out so thoroughly, and when he woke up, he was feeling really relaxed and energized and ready to spank some teenagers asses on a live stream on Attic Dweller as a reward for his fans hitting a thousand likes on the last video.

Shoma managed to make it all the way to Day 19 before he realized he’d really left Jason to handle the kinds alone quite long enough, and with a fond farewell glanced at his nest, he turned off the light and left the attic to go spend time with his family. When he walked into the kitchen during dinner, the kids all cheered and Jason smiled at him with a sparkle of affection in his big, brown eyes, and Shoma just rolled his eyes and went to take his seat at the table, listening to all the kids clamoring to ask where he was and tell him about what they had been up to. It felt good to get a little vacation, but coming back to his job as a parent of six was rewarding in all the best ways, too. Sitting at the table with his six kids and his wonderful husband was exactly where he belonged.

BONUS:

“So where were you actually?” Jason asked, passing Shoma a plate to dry as they did dishes together.

Shoma smirked. “Nu-uh. What if I need to hide again if this thing is going to last for months?”

Jason pouted teasingly, only to suddenly smirk. “But if you tell me, I can ‘go do laundry’ while Rentaro is sleeping and leave Benji and Hanna in charge for at least half an hour,” he said, winking at him.

Shoma blushed, but couldn’t stop from blurting out, “The attic is the last place anybody would expect a grown man to be becoming a famous youtuber who trash talks teenagers on Call of Duty.”

Jason’s jaw dropped and then he burst out laughing, leaning on the counter for balance before turning to Shoma with open arms and pulling him into a hug. “Oh my God, I love you so much, Shoma. Don’t ever change, you perfect, ridiculous man.”

Shoma rolled his eyes but leaned into the hug, humming contentedly. “You’ve known me since we were children, I think at this point, if I was going to change I already would have.” He rested his chin on Jason’s chest, smiling up at him. “You really aren’t mad?”

Jason shook his head, scrunching his nose. “I’m the hyper, childish one, I can handle being stuck in a house with them better. You deserve a break, anyways. Seeing what you’ve put up with since Izumi was born really gives me a new perspective on just how lucky our family is to have you in it.”

Shoma thumped him on the arm. “Hell yeah you’re lucky. I went through five fucking pregnancies to give you those loud little brats. I thought pregnancy was the worst part until I have six children fighting over the same goddamn cupcake,” he said, and Jason just smiled and shook his head, hugging him close.

“Love you, Shoma.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Shoma shoved him off, but didn’t stop smiling as he grabbed the next of the seemingly endless dishes their family went through in just one meal. 

Being a stay at home parent of six stuck in quarantine wasn’t easy, but he knew deep down he wouldn’t want it any other way.


End file.
